Do Funny Online Dating Profiles Actually Work?
Contrary to popular belief, funny is not good advice when writing your online dating profile. It comes off as tacky and trying too hard. You risk misunderstanding and turning potential partners toward the opposite direction.
A better way to go about it is to tell people that you are a quick-witted clever funny person and let your dates hold you to the challenge.
Funny doesn’t come off the same way in writing as it does when it comes from your own voice and inflection.
My husband makes me laugh more than any other human I have ever met. I’ve literally spit my drink across the room and peed my pants.
However, he did not sweep me off my feet with his slew of eye-brow furrowing dad jokes. Lot’s of times I’d say, “huh?” Now I laugh, whether I get it or not. His attempt at trying is usually just as funny as when he actually has a good one.
Our kind of humor in a relationship happened over time as we built rapport. The way we laugh together has been shaped by how we got to know each other, and what we know of each other.
This is really what people are looking for. The intimacy of sharing a joke that only the two of you understand. This can’t be done in a few words on a dating app that people are quickly reading before moving onto the next swipe.
Charm and Playing It Cool
Funny is a big part of charm. Which is why we love it and want to use it as a means of attraction.
Charm is used as a seduction tactic, which you can learn about in Robert Greene’s book Art of Seduction.*
We love to be charmed by people, and we love to know when we are charming others.
Charm has a long history as verbiage related to fascination, enchantment, whimsy. We have this light airy feeling when we dream about being swept off our feet and falling in love because of a cute one-liner. One-liners are often used as catalysts to such fun-loving feelings.
Humor is also indicative of playing it cool.
If you are looking for something serious, then why go out of your way to look as if you are not serious.
Lots of people are looking for deep committed relationships, but they are afraid to say it. You’d lose your cool vibe if you admitted you wanted such a desire.
The Real Attraction
What is charming in an online dating profile? Vulnerability.
You may hear this word floating around a lot.
Vulnerability is a big buzz word in the realm of modern day psychology. Many lessons in spirituality also touch on vulnerability.
Vulnerability is fundamental to what we learn about being genuine, authentic and true to ourselves. Lessons in setting boundaries, not people pleasing and being open to criticism as we openly criticize others.
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Society teaches us to shy away from our tender side. Yet we also recognize charming qualities in those who express vulnerability. In essence, we want others to do it, but we don’t want to do it ourselves. At the very least, we assess our safety before we decide to melt a little, right? We let down our guard after we know for sure it’s ok to do so.
Have you watched Grace and Frankie on Netflix? My favorite character Brianna (@junediane) is a person who is always upright and poised. She’s tough and doesn’t F around.
In her story, her beau (@petercambor) told her that he fell in love with her when he accidentally came upon her just as she was fumbling with something. She tripped, she goofed, made an oopsie. Who doesn’t?
In the moment, he saw her in a vulnerable state and saw that underneath her tough exterior was a human who also puts her pants on one leg at a time.
Vulnerability creates intimacy, which deep down is one of the fundamental things we are looking for.
Applying Vulnerability To Your Online Dating Profile
Lots of people start writing their online dating profile on the defense.
There’s a lot of undertone saying: You don’t like me? That’s your problem.
Men and women do this.
I suggest using more vulnerability in your online dating profile. Instead of making fake, disingenuous attempts at funny as a way to attract attention, be attractive by letting down your defenses and showing others what you are open to.
Using vulnerability as charm is universal. As opposed to using a joke of some sort, which puts at risk of a misunderstanding.
Use the big bold words.
I understand that humility is a virtue and also attractive, but let’s not let that get in the way of showcasing the confidence you have in yourself.
A bold move will stand out because they are rare. Let vulnerability be your bold move.
If you are timid in your online dating profile, then you are not using your seductive powers.
Don’t portray the mights and the maybes. Be true. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Talk about the things you value and talk about what you are hoping to find. Then back it all up when you start dating someone.
Instead of saying phrases such as: Serious people only, or no smokers, or goofballs need not apply, etc. You can say:
I’d like to meet someone who, like me, lives a healthy active lifestyle.
I want to take the time with the right person and see where the road might lead.
I’m looking for my true partner; a person I can share all of life’s adventures with.
I am a strong-minded person who knows what they want.
I am a self-assured man looking for a woman who is one and the same.
When you’re bold, you give others permission to be bold as well. Boldness will cut out a lot of BS.
The people who rise to the top are the ones who aren’t afraid to say that they are badass.
Vulnerability is rare. Lame jokes are a dime a dozen.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing to search for people online dating who put more of themselves out besides listing a few hobbies.
Create a vicarious feeling by sharing what’s important to you in life, and let your matches relate to your foundation. This doesn’t mean spill your guts, it means touch on what you value most in life and start a conversation about it. From there you can find where you and your date are landing on the same line.
That’s how connections are made.
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If you are someone thinking about trying online dating or giving it another go with a different approach, check out the Packages and Pricing Page and start dating with a great online dating profile.
Order my book from Amazon: How To Write A Great Online Dating Profile.
Within, you will find my best tips and strategies, including dos and don’ts, before and after examples, and a template to follow. There is also advice on which photos to choose and how to craft email messages. You will also find full written samples and a questionnaire to use for idea generation.
More Book Recommendations:
Books I Think Everyone Should Read And How They Relate To Dating
Brené Brown is a known thought leader in the realm of Vulnerability. Read her book Daring Greatly.
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