Things can go wrong if you attempt to be humorous in your online dating profile.
The jokes may come off as cringy or otherwise misunderstood. You may also appear as if you are trying too hard.
If any of these things happen then it was wasted space.
That might be frustrating to hear because a sense of humor is what everyone is looking for, right? And, it’s considered sage advice when it comes to your approach to writing your bio.
The Dichotomy You Don’t See
There’s a dichotomy in dating. Those who see it best are we observers; dating coaches and other folks who are here to help you put yourself out there.
What do we see? Lots of complaining. Both sides. There is no gender/lifestyle differentiations here.
Y’all want a serious relationship, but you’re unwilling to engage in meaningful conversation with a purpose of finding meaningful connections.
Instead of wanting to relate to one another, it seems like peeps want to vet their dates, pick each other apart and make fast assumptions. OR they let conversations fall flat, going nowhere, boring, dull, etc.
What happens next? People feel disgruntled, annoyed, offended, insulted, whatever, because they were ghosted. When in reality they just couldn’t carry on a conversation and get to know another person.
Not bothering to engage with someone who isn’t engaged with you is *not* ghosting.
Building Rapport
Let’s talk about safety. When online dating you are putting yourself out there. Naturally, you want to be safe in doing so. The person on the other end is also feeling those same things and they want to feel safe when they are reaching out to you.
With that in mind, be the safe person people feel comfortable starting a conversation with.
In a nutshell, go for vulnerability and storytelling.
When writing your online dating profile you want your reader, your potential date to feel something. You want to trigger sensations.
Most often, people who are online dating are mindlessly scrolling through profile after profile, swipe swipe left, swipe swipe right, and a couple of la di das. That’s how you match the day away in the merry ol’ land of Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, eHarmony.
Picture that, but add your profile to the mix. The profile that has them sitting up with attention.
Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm
Spark curiosity and leave people eager to learn more.
Rapport begins when someone has a genuine interest in hearing more about the story you want to tell.
How To Find Your Stories
The purpose of your online dating profile is to facilitate conversations. Too often, folks are trying to attract attention with a goofy photo, a joke, or something similarly flashy. But, the real purpose is to generate a dialogue.
When you approach writing your profile, ask yourself these questions:
- What topics of conversation do I want to have?
- What do I value most in the world? What values do you want to share?
- What stories do I want to tell?
- What are you proud of?
- What are ways you are looking to relate to someone?
- How do you want to be understood by others?
The stories we share build rapport between one another. When writing your profile allude to these stories. Your online dating profile isn’t a place to tell your story, it’s a place to start a conversation about that story.
It’s the story about how you came to live somewhere, how you landed your career or an important turning point in your life. The story could be about an embarrassing moment and what you learned, it could be about what you are most proud of or it could be a hobby or interest you consider quirky. The story could be about the values that guide your life and the journey of self-discovery that led to their adoption.
What Do You Think Of These?
Alright, all this does not mean you have a profile that is uptight and lacks luster. I don’t like funny online dating profiles, but that does not mean I don’t like funny at all. Time your funny right. Reference funny then add the appropriate energy when a connection has been made.
Consider these and the subsequent possible conversation starters:
If Billboard rated singing in the shower I’d top the charts.
What’s your favorite song? Mine is Leaving On The Jet Plane.
Do you sing in the car, too? I’ve been known to play some air drums.
I’m a master on the Karaoke stage, but don’t ask me to sing Like A Virgin. Material Girl is the only Madonna song I’ll perform.
Do you think you could keep up with me when I sing Eminem’s Lose Yourself?
I lived in Japan for a year and sang lots of Karaoke there, but not yet stateside. I saw a guy sing Like A Virgin once, it wasn’t pretty.
Halloween is my jam. My family has a costume party every year. I’m a three-time winner.
What are your best costumes? How big is your family?
Have you ever had any costume failures?
I’m not a huge Halloween person, but I do go overboard with the Fourth of July decorations.
Finding Your Curiosity
This, of course, does not negate your responsibility to also start engagement or maintain engagement.
If you are indeed curious.
You also need to ask questions which come from natural genuine curiosity. Much easier if people give you a profile with openings, right?
Ask open-ended questions about something you really want to know. If you ask something for the sake of asking people will pick up on it. Just like you pick up on it.
Not everyone is going to be genuine. But, you will know the difference and you will know what to do.
Conclusion
Write a well-written, easy-to-read, mature profile.
Online dating is not inherently bad or inherently good. But your opinion, your attitude, your outlook can be. Which are you going to choose?
My Books:
How To Write A Great Online Dating Profile.
Within, you will find my best tips and strategies, including dos and don’ts, before and after examples, and a template to follow. There is also advice on which photos to choose and how to craft email messages. You will also find full written samples and a questionnaire to use for idea generation.
I designed this dating journal to help you process thoughts and feelings as they relate to who you are deciding to spend time with. This journal is a mix of guided prompts and plenty of free flow. You may want to view it as a mix of a plain journal and an interactive workbook. The prompts are recurrent based on Date 1, Date 2, Date 3 and more.
