“Should I get a dating coach?”
If online dating hasn’t panned out the way you thought it would, if you’re overwhelmed by the barrage of profiles, or even if you’re just someone that likes to go into things prepared– there’s a chance hiring a dating coach has crossed your mind.
But where do you start? How do you know which coach to choose or how to prepare? What if it’s not what you expect?
About Our Expert
To get some insight, we talked to Mathias, a dating coach who values honesty and leans into challenges.
After benefitting tremendously from life coaching himself, he pursued a certification and specialized in dating and relationships. Now he provides coaching, teaching, and training to provide insight and personalized guidance.
First Steps
According to Mathias, if you are struggling with online dating, your first goal should be identifying– and then understanding– the problem. This can be something you figure out on your own, or something a dating coach can step in and help with.
Lack of Information
The problem could be that you are lacking information about relationship dynamics and attraction. While everyone has preferences, at the end of the day, across culture, country, race, and gender, there are some qualities that are always attractive, Mathias tells us. This information is out there for anyone that has the time to research it. But most people don’t.
“I’d do that work for you,” he says, “I know what I know about attraction from reading a stack of books, attending workshops, and listening to other experts. What I can do for you is save you time, and just pull out the information that is relevant.” If you have more money to spare than you do time, a dating coach can do the legwork for you.
Individual Issue
On the other hand, the problem could also be something more personal. If this is the case, a dating coach would help you by listening and providing direct, honest feedback. When striving to improve your life, an unbiased opinion is crucial. “A big part of my profession is truly listening,” says Mathias “and helping a client connection with their own wisdom. I trust my clients to handle direct, honest feedback on the things they tell me.” A dating coach can provide a certain professional objectivity on personal matters that is hard to find anywhere else.
He also reminds us that no aspect of your life is detached from the rest. More than likely whatever issue is affecting your dating life will show up in other ways as well. For this reason, deep, honest introspection is crucial– and not just to boost your dating game.
Online Dating
Undeniably, dating websites and apps have permanently changed the dating landscape. We could spend months dissecting the pros and cons of this shift, but Mathias sees one clear benefit.
“It’s important that everyone starts where they are at. Start wherever you’re comfortable.”
While there may be more lead time before meeting in person, any step forward is better than no step at all. And online dating gives you the chance to reach out to so many people you otherwise may have never crossed paths with. In addition, Mathias notes that online dating is crucial for those with niche interests.
Which Dating Coach to Choose?
Once you decide to go the dating coach route, you are faced with a variety of options. Different philosophies, different approaches, and different faces. Mathias explains it’s not necessarily a question of the best coach, but rather the best for you.
Most coaches offer free trial calls, and Mathias strongly recommends taking full advantage of this resource. Never skip on your own research and due diligence. Someone’s website can give you a run-down of their methodology, but nothing compares to speaking face to face. At the end of the day you’re choosing a person– and their personality matters.
Quick Fix Never Guaranteed
While ultimately the decision is yours, Mathias advises against going with any coach that promises you a “quick fix.” As much as we’d like there to be, there simply is no quick fix. There’s no easy answer, and any growth involves work.
Unfortunately, in our industry we often see predatory opportunists taking advantage of those looking for dating help. You may be familiar with ads with taglines such as:
ONE SECRET THAT WILL MAKE ALL WOMEN LOVE YOU
TINDER BIO WITH 100% SUCCESS RATE
FIND THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS AFTER ONE SESSION
The unfortunate truth is that these surface-level solutions are just that– surface level. These services are run by people looking for a quick buck, and any solutions they give to your problems won’t last, or even work in the first place. Be wary of any offers that seem too good to be true. And as always, check reviews and do your own research.
Any honest dating coach will be upfront with you. “I can’t take all the work away from you,” says Mathias, “and I never take responsibility for your decisions– good or bad. I can provide direction, support, and honest feedback. Only you can do your own personal growth.”
Expectations Going Into Coaching
Maybe it goes without saying, but it is essential to go into your coaching with an open mind and a willingness to change. “Some people are so set in their ways, that they’re resistant to break out of what they’re used to,” Mathias tells us. They may expect validation and comfort from a coach, and are surprised when they are challenged instead.
You may be familiar with the Henry Ford quote “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” While in theory most would agree with this statement, most people also have an instinctive resistance to change.
Even those who seek out the services of a dating coach– thus acknowledging their need to change– will insist on sticking to their way of doing things. While this attitude is a common one that dating coaches are used to breaking through, coming into the experience with your defenses down will save you both time and effort.
At The End Of The Day
There are many ways to improve the way you attract others, go on dates, and form relationships. It’s a challenge that humans have dealt with since the beginning of time. Which means you’re not alone. Wether you’re researching on your own, getting the help of a dating coach like Mathias, or boosting your profile with a custom bio, your decisions (and results) are ultimately your own.
If finding a relationship is a priority in your life, it makes sense to invest in that goal. “It’s no different than hiring a financial advisor or getting professional help with your resume,” Mathias notes, “it’s just another aspect of your life where resources exist to help you succeed. If you chose to use them.”
Interested in learning more about Mathias? Check out his website for more information, as well as his YouTube and Instagram for dating advice!
