Who To Avoid in Online Dating

 

Think of all the people behind the hundreds of millions of dating profiles. Many are lying about who they are, and hopefully most are being honest. Some are looking for love. Some are looking for something more casual. Someone is looking for you.

In the meantime (before they find you), it can be hard to sift through the stream of profiles, deciding who to connect with or who to send a message to. While ultimately it is up to you and your best judgment, there are a few red flags that you can make sure to avoid in online dating. 

Here are 4 people that you’re better off avoiding while online dating.

 

Ms. Too Cool To Be Here

 

For whatever reason (and despite a large portion of the population using online dating), there is a lingering stigma surrounding the practice. Unfortunately this stigma can hold people back, and stop them from putting their heart in it.

These kinds of people are not taking online dating seriously, partly because they are embarrassed to be here in the first place. They will hold back from being genuine, and have more of a “isn’t this silly” attitude. Which is frustrating for those of us who are in it for the right reasons. 

You can usually spot this easily in bios with snippets like My friends made me download this, or I’ll probably delete this soon anyway. Or any other phrase where you can feel the eye roll through the screen.

Match with this person at your own risk–maybe you’ll break through their ironic exterior and defenses. But chances are, they have a longer ways to go before being open to a love connection. Find someone who can meet you where you are.

 

Mr. Already Given Up

 

This person may have had it rough. They may have been on the sites for years, having dead-end conversations and inactive matches. They may have been scammed or had some other unsavory experience that makes online dating a bit of a sore spot.

We get it, it can be easy to get jaded. But if you are looking for connection, you owe your matches a fresh start, untainted by the mistakes of others. 

If someone is starting your interaction on a bad note, openly bracing themselves for rejection, or even just complaining about past experiences– steer clear. This is not the person you are looking for.

Look out for bios or messages along the lines of, all girls/guys are the same, I’ve accepted I’ll end up alone, or any bio that ultimately says what is even the point, woe is me. 

Instead of getting a blank slate, you will start your relationship having to prove yourself, to prove you are “different” then all the others who have hurt them. And no one should be in that position.

 

Ms. All Pics No Bio

Being confident in your appearance is a good thing. Undeniably. But there is more to you than how you look. When someone purposely leaves their bio completely blank, it is like they are saying “it shouldn’t matter what my personality is like since I am attractive.”

While attractive pictures are effective at, well, attracting, try to think to yourself before swiping based on images alone. Is that someone you are interested in being with? Someone who sees their appearance as the most important thing about them? How do you think they will see you?

Your time is valuable, you can’t spend time chatting with every single person on tinder. You use the information given to you to decide who you’re interested in. If someone decides to not provide any meaningful information about themselves… that’s on them.

Be purposeful, intentional, and selective when dating online. Not superficial. 

 

Mr. Social Media

The purpose of a profile is to match. The purpose of a match is to start a conversation. The purpose of a conversation is to meet in person. The purpose of meeting in person is to start a relationship.

Notice how nowhere in this sequence is gain a new follower or boost your social media.

If someone is immediately interested in connecting on some other platform (whether in their bio or initial messages), it may be best to steer clear. 

Do they have something to say over instagram that they can’t say over tinder? Are they just trying to grow their social network? Or do they prefer the passive interaction of liking posts with no direct connection? 

Either way, this kind of person does not have a relationship as their priority, and are using online dating for some other goal. Keep that in mind before going any further. 

Trust Yourself and Be Found

At the end of the day you won’t know what someone is really like until you meet them in person. And if then it may take awhile.

There are some clues (like the ones given above), that help you get a general idea of who is worth having a conversation with. Having a well-constructed, personalized bio helps you avoid the mistakes above among others. Being able to represent yourself within the restrictions of dating profiles can be a challenge, but we encourage you to take it seriously– it can make the difference between a swipe left or right.

The rest is up to you and your judgement.