Dating Coaches, Matchmaking, and More
Online dating is tough, but you’re never on your own. From blogs to coaches to good old fashioned matchmaking, help is anything but out of reach. The internet guarantees that a wide array of online dating resources is always at your disposal. It’s up to you to use them correctly.
So how do you know what you need? Are your blurry photo choices blocking you before the first swipe? Is a killer profile enough when you find yourself nervous and fumbling the first messages? Or maybe you’re a conversational casanova but simply don’t have time for the seemingly endless stream of profiles?
Or, it could be that you have no idea what the problem is. All you know is that you’re still single. And you’re ready for that to change.
Interview With an Expert
We tapped into the expertise of matchmaker Erika from Three Day Matchmaking. With a decade of experience in the industry, Erika is an expert on finding the one.
How have dating apps changed online dating?
Dating apps were intended to ‘fix’ online dating, to make it more accessible. What ended up happening was that the convenience of the apps ‘broke’ online dating– turned it more into a job and less like an opportunity.
The increased use of dating apps have made online dating mundane, routine, and less special. People can tend to focus on the apps themselves, gamifying the process and losing sight of their actual goal– to find a partner. As someone who is online dating you have to make an active effort to be mindful and intentional, and not get caught up in the thrill of quick swiping and matching.
What effect did the pandemic have on online dating?
There was already a growing sense of loneliness, and covid just amplified this feeling. So many people had the chance to just sit in silence. The pandemic lessened human interaction, and we realized how much we missed it. Now is the time to bring back that human touch to dating.
Where do you think the frustration with online dating comes from?
The frustration is real, and it comes from the time and emotional labor that people put into online dating. They spend time and energy vetting someone, making sure there’s a connection, just to meet in person for the date to go poorly. That’s discouraging, draining, and can have real consequences on a person’s motivation over time.
Even someone who seems great on paper may not be who you expect. People skimp on their bios, use old photos, and it can be impossible to know who will be sitting across from you at the actual date. Also with the influx of scams and low-effort profiles, online dating is– for lack of a better word– junkier than ever before.
If someone is frustrated with online dating, what is the first step to fixing the problem?
Firstly, take a beat. Put yourself first.
Take some time to introspect and figure out what it is that you want. Get off the apps for a period of time and focus on yourself. You may be burnt-out from online dating and may have lost sight of your goal. Do things that make you happy and make you feel good on your own, maybe take a vacation, start yoga, or some other method of self-care. Break away from the cycle of swiping and reconnect with yourself.
Once you have gained some perspective, you can turn your attention back to dating. Identify a clear goal, outline your obstacles, and decide what you need to reach that goal.
Who should get a dating coach?
If you are someone who is ready for some self-reflection and inner-exploration, a dating coach would serve as a guide, helping you through roadblocks and keeping you on track.
People often hyper-fixate on finding their perfect partner and forget that they have to be ready to be a good partner as well. It may be a hard pill to swallow for some but there is not, and never will be a “quick-fix” to dating. If you aren’t finding the right person, you have to put in the work– to figure out the problem and then to solve it.
Who should try a matchmaking service?
First and foremost, matchmaking is for people who value their time. People who are secure in their values, confident in their personality, and ready to prioritize finding a partner.
Matchmaking is an investment and a decision to be intentional about dating. If you are burning out with swipe fatigue, matchmaking leads to fewer, better matches. Quality over quantity means that you have more energy and emotional bandwidth for the people you meet. It’s offloading the tiresome, frustrating aspects of dating to someone who is objective and experienced. Someone with your best interests in mind.
Obviously, some things like chemistry can be impossible to predict. But with a matchmaker, you can feel certain that every person you sit across from is aligned with you on the things that matter. That’s what matchmaking takes off your plate. And you’re left with the fun parts of dating.
How should people approach working with a dating coach or matchmaker? What expectations should they bring and what reservations should they leave behind?
It’s important to remember that you can’t pay for the perfect person. It doesn’t work that way. You can’t input a laundry list of qualities and wait for that person to show up.
You have to be willing to be surprised.
Matchmakers are objective, they see perspectives you don’t and may know things about you that even you don’t. By getting a matchmaker you’re essentially giving up the driver’s seat to your own love life, so the best thing to do is relax, lean back, and trust the professionals.
Some of our successful matches are happy couples who admit they wouldn’t have swiped on each other on Tinder. But they came with an open mind and were willing to try something new.
“No Quick-Fix”
As Erika says, there really is no quick-fix. At the end of the day, dating is what you make it– your approach is everything.
You can’t control what others in the dating pool do, but you can always control how you respond. Having a complete understanding of your emotions is the best thing you can do. Whether it’s on your own through journaling, or with the outside help of a matchmaker or dating coach.
Most importantly– it’s okay to ask for help. Using the resources that exist to help you navigate the murky waters of online dating is never a sign of weakness. Getting dating help is a demonstration of strength, an act of self awareness, and commitment to finding the person you are looking for. If using a matchmaker or dating coach or profile writing service is something that will make you feel more comfortable and secure, why hold yourself back?
