Time Is Precious. But, When It Comes To Dating, Let’s Lighten Up A Bit.
I’ve said this a few times: You are going to go out with more people you are not going to click with than people you are going to click with. You’re not going to know either way unless you go out with them. Going out with people is a time commitment. You are going to have to make room in your busy schedule to make it happen. If you’re not willing to do that, or you do it begrudgingly, then dating might not be for you.
Dating is not a waste of time if you have the right attitude – you find the positives even in dates that didn’t go so well.
When perusing online dating I like to put potential dates into 3 categories. 1. The men who I will ‘no way’ accept a date from (or maybe even bother to communicate with), 2. the men who I will absolutely go out with, and 3. men who make me think, hmmmm maybe.
I always go out with the “maybes.” Why? Because I won’t know for sure what they may have to offer unless I do. And, in order to do that I have to allot time. I have to make space in my week, which I am very happy to do. It’s fun! Dating is always an adventure.
The important part is to not get frustrated, angry or discouraged. Most people you will go out with are going to be great people. They just aren’t going to be that right great person for you. If you start to hate dating because you met a few duds, well, that’s on you. We all need to get over instant gratification and feeling entitled to the “easy way.”
I’ve been on both sides of many scenarios. The guy who I was so excited to meet because we had a great banter going on text, shows up to the date and I realize there’s no spark. I’ve also been skeptical of a guys who pleasantly surprised me.
I bet there are plenty of men who felt like they wasted their time with me. For whatever reason. I was too short, too chatty, too opinionated, whatever. Or, they simply had zero attraction to me.
Was I really a waste of their time? No, because if they understand the process and have a positive outlook on the adventure, they would realize meeting me is getting them closer to knowing what they want and what they don’t want.
Believe me, I’m sure someone has felt you wasted their time. What do you think about that?
Let’s all lighten up a bit about dating!
We often get mad when the person we are on a date with doesn’t turn out to be who we thought they would be. So what. That’s the point of dating. You’re never going to know unless you go out with them.
OK, I get it. I get how precious time is. But, if you want to commit to dating and ultimately to building a relationship with someone, you’re going to have to find the time and be ok with it.
If you want to make the most of your time, come up with your own vetting system and strategy. Here’s a good thing: The more dates you go out on the better you will get at honing in on your intuition.
When going through dating profiles you will get savvy at identifying who you are most likely to relate to. When going out on actual dates you will get to know your own feelings better. You will know sooner rather than later how you feel being with this other person.
You can create rules about when you will and won’t plan dates. For instance, only go out on dates Monday – Thursday. Or go out on dates on days you know you’ll otherwise be at home with snacks and TV. This is my opinion, but I’d rather get dressed up and feeling good, go out and enjoy a couple of drinks and maybe a great meal with a dud then sit at home in my jammies, by myself, watching something on TV till I fall asleep.
You are grown mature men and women; you can get through an hour with someone. And, every time you go out on a date your compass gets more accurate.
With this strategy, you can save your weekend nights for your friends and family – being with people with which you know for sure you will have a fun, enjoyable time. Or, plan breakfast dates on the weekends. Whatever works for you in helping you feel like dating is worth your while.
Figure out what works for you and go with it.
Lighted up. Have fun with dating. And, make time for it.