Your Match.com inbox is flooded, your phone keeps pinging with Tinder likes, and your matches are overflowing.
So why does it feel like you’re failing at online dating? Why does it feel like you are attracting the wrong people?
The Problem: You Are Attracting The Wrong People
Maybe your values, passions, and interests and those of your matches have no overlap. Maybe the messages your matches send are hard to understand or respond to. Maybe you just don’t feel excited about anyone that you are talking to.
No matter what, if every conversation seems to be more of a simmer than a spark, obviously you are attracting the wrong people.
Let’s say you put effort into your profile. Let’s say you spent a whole afternoon on your bio. You looked up Best Dating Profile Lines and Killer Conversation Starters. You chose the ones that were the funniest, and the prompts that were the most engaging.
You picture your ideal man or woman, out there somewhere, unable to resist the charm of this perfectly constructed profile with no weak spots.
The Explanation
If your goal in a profile is to attract as many people as possible, you may want to reevaluate your priorities.
Because here is the truth: the ideal dating bio for you is one that not everyone will like. And why should they. You don’t want to date everyone, and everyone doesn’t want to date you.
Online dating can feel like a game. A game where you win by getting the most attention and likes. When you add a joke to your profile that lots of people respond to, or a crowd-pleaser line that boosts your messages, it can feel like you’re doing something right.
But as we know, more isn’t synonymous with better, and adding more hay to the stack doesn’t help you find the needle.
The Solution To Attracting The Wrong People
This answer is a relatively simple one, if you put your ego to the side.
Think of online dating as fishing.
With a catchy, people-pleasing, and general bio, you are casting a wide net. You are trying to catch as many fish as possible, and figure if you pull in enough, you must get at least one that you like. Also, you can establish your prowess as a truly amazing fisherman.
But quality will always be better than quantity, and if you are dedicated to finding the best fish for you, you’re better off casting a direct line. With unique, specific bait.
When writing profiles, we of course make sure to you are in a flattering light, but we also never hide what makes you unique, distinct, and remarkable. We minimize the vague, positive adjectives like, nice, kind, and respectful, (because hopefully we are all doing our best to be those things, right?), and focus on the more specific aspects of your personality. Not everyone likes the same things or has the same values. Some people are looking for relationships based on adventure and excitement while others are looking for comfort and tranquility. Both are fine. Neither should date the other. Everyone should be honest.
Your profile should reflect you, truly and completely. The person that you are looking for is looking for you as well, so make yourself easy to find. Make your true self easy to find.
You will never be everyone’s cup of tea and there’s no point in trying to be. You are what you are, so be it proudly. Someone out there will love you for it.
