Sometimes I am told this break up story: Mr. Greenapple broke up with Mrs. Greenapple and Mrs. Greenapple had no idea it was coming. It completely caught her off guard.
My reaction: Yeah, right. Really? Deep down, Mrs. Greenapple had absolutely no idea her relationship was on the rocks? I don’t believe it.
Mostly like this is a case of a couple with zero communication. Couples who communicate, even negatively, are probably less likely to have this reaction. They saw a break-up coming because all they did was fight (for example).
Couples who don’t speak to one another tend to silently drift apart till one finally has the guts to speak up and tell the other their relationship isn’t working.
There are a couple things going on here: Lack of communication and lack of tapping into gut feelings.
We are all still individuals and individual lives go as they go – people get busy and/or caught up in their daily to dos. But, when you are part of a couple it’s important to check in with each other now and again. Ask each other, how are we? Are we good? What’s going on with you? How are you feeling? Of course this requires both to actually share and be honest about it. But, I don’t want to go off on a tangent.
Listen to your gut when it tells you something is off. That might be the prompt to go to your partner and ask the above questions. Try to reflect on these matters in the present as often as you can. I would be venture to bet that the people who said they didn’t see the end coming probably eventually ended up thinking back: well, yeah, I guess I did see this or that red flag….hindsight is 20/20.
Whether your relationship succeeds or fails it should never be a surprise. People control the outcomes of their relationships. The next choice after someone speaks up is what to do about it. Work on it or go separate ways. The blame game isn’t helpful either (but again, no need to go off on a tangent).
Lifehack is always good for tips: For Busy People: How To Make Your Relationship New Every Day
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